What Do Integral Women Want?

Thanks to Brendan S. for submitting the following question:

What do women want? What makes women happy? I mean more integral-ish women. Women that have a good relationship with their voice and autonomy and are firmly rooted in their femininity. What do you – these women – want in life? What makes y’all happy?

With the rather large caveat that there are probably as many answers to this question as there are Integral women, here’s our thoughts:

1.    There’s no one size fits all approach, sorry to say! With levels, lines and types in particular, there’s an infinite amount of configurations, wants and needs, and of course, this also depends greatly on context and the state at hand. So, it’s a good thing to know Integral so that you can gain some access to the other person’s “schema,” and work out over time how to relate with them taking this into consideration. How to do this skillfully and elegantly is another huge question unto itself that we won’t take on right now.

2.     Openness. Even once you think you “understand” who you’re talking to, don’t assume you know what’s going to happen next or that you’ve got it all figured out. Most of us women can and will change on the dime, and if you remain open in the moment to new information, you’ll be able to more quickly respond and not get sideswiped by the natural ebbs and flows of the feminine.

3.     Don’t immediately move to trying to fix, unless of course someone is in physical danger. When your woman is down or sharing a story or problem with you, don’t assume that means she wants your help or an answer. Again be open, listen, receive, and hear her out, knowing that she probably wants this first above all else. At her request, or after you’ve asked her how you can help, then offer your perspective.

4.     Honesty. When you’re not sure what the hell is going on, or what your woman wants in the moment, it’s ok to share that with her. Being vulnerable when it’s authentically what’s up is always a good thing in relationship. Ask her what she wants and needs (skillfully) and don’t forget to tell her what you want as well, as she might be just as confused at times.

5.     Take risks, be fierce and strong. Go with your gut when it feels right, yield your sword and cut through the confusion and crap, be strong and uncompromising in your perspective, yet open and unafraid to be wrong. Again, do this when it’s clean, and not wrapped up in your own shadows and insecurities. In our opinion, there is nothing more attractive, man or woman, intimate partner or friend.  And, if and only if, you end up being dead wrong and what you say or do lands like a brick on her baby toe, then my friend, say you’re sorry, explain your feelings and intentions, and push the reset button on that one, if you can!

We’re certainly not claiming authority on this one…so, Integral Women, what do you think? What do you want from your man (partner)?

Kelly Sosan Bearer is a social entrepreneur specializing in multimedia platform development to disseminate spiritual wisdom teachings both online and off. She is the Co-founder of Integral Chicks and currently serves as Executive Producer for Sofia Diaz and Multimedia Producer at Buddhist Geeks. An ordained Zen monk, Kelly graduated from Naropa University with a MA in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology. She goes by the alter ego DJ Sosan and has been dropping beats for the Integral scene since 2005. Follow her on Twitter @KellyBearer.

Nicole Fegley is the Executive Producer, Co-Founder, and Host of Integral Chicks. She is a Certified Integral Coach through Integral Coaching Canada and coaches with Integral Life, The Integral Incubator, and Engaging the Future. Nicole is the Co-founder, with her partner Clint Fuhs, of Core Integral.