What Do Integral Men Want?: Gen-X Responds 2

At least according to Sam…

Copying the format of the great article “What do Integral Women Want?” I will start by saying that even though there is no size that fits all, I think integral men are more interested in integral-aware women. I don’t mean that women have to “dig” integral or know about it, but they have matured to a certain level, making them more aware of themselves.

1. Be willing to grow beyond bondage

Many relationships are actually a kind of bondage, meaning that we are attracted to each other by our deficiency-needs. An integral man knows this is part of the process and is fine with it, but he is at the same time not interested in staying at this stage where love seems more of a demand rather than a gift. We want romance that is more about your abundance of love and not so much about an attraction driven by your shadow.

2. Play

But growing up does not mean excluding sides of ourselves. A relationship is a practice, using all the sides of ourselves as a way of playing, teasing, flirting, sexing, giving and sharing rather than being locked into reactions. The point is that the relationship is a romantic play between lovers and that there is intentional quality time for love.

3. We want to be you lover

This does not mean we cannot talk, and that we won’t listen to you when you need to open your heart. We like to listen and we are getting better at it. But there comes a time where we ask ourselves, is this done better with your friends?

4. We don’t want a princess. We want someone who can be the princess

Integral men know that women have the power and possibility to do and be whatever they want and are not interested in fitting women into roles. But it can still be exciting to play with roles in order to have fun, to be romantic and sexy. It all depends on what you like of course. The point is that even though we might have evolved beyond stereotypes, we still can enjoy them without taking them as our only identity.

5. Proving to us you are so strong is not attractive

In fact, it is not about who’s in charge but what attracts us to each other, whatever that may be. Let’s be honest and do what works for us, not what the “standards” tell us. We are interested in someone who wants to explore the sexual “electricity” beyond set concepts.

On the other hand, we love and worship the true Woman who does not settle for less, who does not keep her heart for herself, who shows all her emotional colors fully. There is no better way for us men than being woken up by a woman’s outrage or joy, yearning for our true maleness when we forget it ourselves.

6. Show you trust in us

Trust us when we deserve it. Worship our ability when we are true to ourselves. We like this more than when you care for us, even though we like that too. But trusting in us makes us grow. If you only care for us and we tend to be your boy.

7. Show us your love

We don’t pick up on subtle signals because we are not women! 

Don’t just show us what you want with only words. Whatever it is, show it BIG! Yes, we are stupid this way. We love to come and be the hero if we know what is needed.

Most men find “He should already know” very frustrating. Perhaps your dad knows what you need, but we don’t until you show us and we don’t want to be your dad just as you don’t want to be our mom.

Integral men understand that we all have issues and shadows to work through. But the direction of our love-relationship should be clear.

8. We want intimacy

I think this is the most important one. I can understand that many women might react to this with hurt or anger, like we just want some “sex-object”.

First of all, we don’t. We want a full woman and that includes sex. If we truly wanted just a sex-object, why would we ever spend time with you? We could get a doll instead. The fact is that most women are often a pain to us, just the way men are a pain to women; our sexual differences also create drama. So, even though there is tension and drama in any relationship, we still want to be with you. We want deep sex with a real woman; not ways to get our rocks off because we do that better ourselves.

We are with you because of the chance of blissful intimacy. We want sex because it is the key to our hearts and for some, the best spiritual practice there is. A man can open himself on his own, but with help from a woman he can do it so much better; it takes two to tango well. (And I don’t really see the point in making love alone.)

9. We worship your beauty

Of course it is true that we like a healthy woman in good shape. Of course we love breasts and hips etc. But what we don’t want is a forced ideal. I think this is where many women just totally misunderstand men. First of all, we all have different preferences on what constitutes sexy and healthy. There truly is no perfect body in terms of shape. Well, there is; a woman loved by a man has a perfect body.

We want the real glow and the body is only the carrier of the glow. A perfect model without glow is not fun for very long. But health is important; if you don’t care about your body and beauty, or if you fake your way, it does not work in the long run.

Integral men avoid women who do not trust and show their own beauty. Just like a flower attracts most with its pure and giving beauty, men will stop immediately when a women shows her true color this way. Not because she has to, or in order to “get love” but because she is in her body, radiating her awesomeness.

10. Surrender to your love

It is tricky to say this the right way without getting confused and complicated reactions due to the last 40 years of change and heated debate about men’s and women’s roles. This is not about being higher or lower; controlled or in control; or who is the boss?

It is just amazingly attractive when a woman surrenders to us. If you trust us to take you with all our love, we will do anything to see you swooned and opening up in ecstasy. We want to conquer you, with love. An open woman, surrendering to love is not a victim or an object; is the Goddess all men yearn for.

A man can of course also inhabit all the qualities I have talked about. But in the present culture, I believe the above is what attracts most integral men.

Cheers!

Samuel

Samuel Törnqvist is a Performer, Composer and Coach. He was born in 1976 in Sweden.  He started playing piano at age of three but is mostly focusing on composing and voice-coaching at the moment. He currently resides in Barcelona, coaching actors and singers while creating music for the theatre.

For many years there has been an interest in people, the world and spirituality. His music studies at Naropa University in America included Tai Chi, Pilates, Yoga and Zen Meditation. Some of the greater influences are David Deida, Gabriel Cousens, Deepak Chopra, Ken Wilber and A.H. Almaas. He is a member of Integral Life and leads an on-going men’s group in Barcelona which he also founded.

Blog: http://www.unblogyourself.com