I feel moved to share a few words on the classic feminine crisis (CFC) because it is central to our practice as women together.
“What is the classic feminine crisis?” You ask?
First, I am going to offer you the definition of CFC, and then, as a practice, I would encourage you to spot this in your own life, or maybe in the lives of those around you.
A point of clarification…By feminine, I do not mean female. I am using feminine as one aspect or energetic type that is present in both men and women, males and females. And although the example I will provide is the conventional male/female relationship, CFC occurs in both men and women.
The CFC arises when one does not have a reliable and autonomous sense of self and instead, derives identity based on the relationship one finds themself in. While this is not an uncommon occurrence for women, it is worth looking into.
For example, a woman who does not possess a solidified self image is in relationship with a man. This man possesses a strong drive, passion, and a sense of autonomy in the world. Therefore, he is powerful, large in his energy, and makes things happen.
The woman, lacking clear direction and drive, latches on to her man’s success, propping herself up as though her man’s passion and drive is actually her passion and drive. She pretends that his causes are her causes, reaping the benefits and the difficulties along the way — only because she is in relationship with this man.
So what’s the problem with this? For starters, this makes her completely untrustable to the women around her, creating less than authentic relationships precisely because she aligns herself with her man, rather than aligning herself to the truth of her own nature. Another problematic outcome from the CFC is, what happens when the relationship ends? Who is she then? And how does she define herself?
I suspect that this is a developmental crisis that most feminine creatures encounter at some point in our lives. And instead of demonizing our fellow feminine brothers and sisters as they work through their CFC, I say that we should all be allowed to have it, to work through it, and to be supported by each other.
I offer this piece as an awareness practice, to notice if you or someone you know is in the middle of this CFC. And the first step towards working something out, is being aware that there is something to work out.
With great gratitude,
- Kelly Sosan Bearer
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